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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26770183">Sacred fire, Holy water</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goddess_of_the_arena/pseuds/Goddess_of_the_arena'>Goddess_of_the_arena</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Baldur's Gate, Black Death (2010)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adventure &amp; Romance, Crossover, F/M, Humor, plenty of original jan jansen rambling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:42:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,150</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26770183</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goddess_of_the_arena/pseuds/Goddess_of_the_arena</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A party of magic using adventurers ends up in a different world and starts travelling with a group of magic hating witch-hunters. Will they get along? Will they survive? Will they get home or be trapped there forever? And most important of all, will Jan Jansen EVER shut up? Join in on their journey and find out!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ulric/original female character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. A meeting of (not) like minds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello, kind readers! This is a crossover between Baldur’s Gate and the 2010 movie “Black Death”. It’s set after the end of Throne of Bhaal and there are two original characters of my creation: the first one is Margaret Dawn Delryn (Bhaalspawn and Anomen’s wife), a female human Painbearer of Ilmater of Neutral Good alignment; the second one is Sekhmet Odesseiron (Edwin’s cousin), a female human Firewalker of Kossuth of True Neutral alignment.</p><p>Disclaimer: I don’t own either the characters of “Black Death”, or the NPCs of Baldur’s Gate. I only own my original characters Margaret Dawn Delryn and Sekhmet Odesseiron.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hello, kind readers! This is a crossover between Baldur’s Gate and the 2010 movie “Black Death”. It’s set after the end of Throne of Bhaal and there are two original characters of my creation: the first one is Margaret Dawn Delryn (Bhaalspawn and Anomen’s wife), a female human Painbearer of Ilmater of Neutral Good alignment; the second one is Sekhmet Odesseiron (Edwin’s cousin), a female human Firewalker of Kossuth of True Neutral alignment.<br/>Disclaimer: I don’t own either the characters of “Black Death”, or the NPCs of Baldur’s Gate. I only own my original characters Margaret Dawn Delryn and Sekhmet Odesseiron.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The forest was shrouded in oppressive silence, which was suddenly broken by some voices rapidly approaching. The seven fighters saw a group of strangely dressed people emerging from the trees in front of them and readied their weapons, while the monk Osmund, their young guide, stepped back and prepared to hide somewhere safe.</p><p>One of the newcomers, a seven-feet-tall tower of a man with dark skin and amber eyes, wearing a strange red armour, was scowling furiously, "I don’t care about your third-removed cousin, I want to know where in the Nine Hells you sent us, you blasted Gnome!", he growled, looking over his broad shoulders and glaring at someone behind him.</p><p>"Now, now, Binky, no need to be grumpy", a nasal voice replied in a conciliatory tone, "I may have made a little mistake in setting the coordinates, but if Immy here hadn’t distracted me to show me her new pink...". "Just tell me where we are and for the last time, DON’T CALL ME BINKY!". "Sure thing, Binky, sure thing. And to answer your question, I have no idea whatsoever of where we are".</p><p>The man sighed with a pained expression and the fair-skinned woman at his side, who was nearly six feet tall, with blond curly hair and emerald-green eyes and wore an armour that was a nearly exact copy of his, chuckled, "Come on, big brother, calm down: we’ll simply have to ask for information and once we know our exact location, we can go home", she said soothingly.</p><p>Meanwhile Ulric, the leader of the mercenaries, a tall man with shoulder length honey-brown hair matted with sweat and hard blue eyes, walked up to the strangers, sword at the ready, "Who are you, to have such unnatural eyes? Are you a demon?". The dark-skinned stranger arched an eyebrow, unimpressed by the sword pointed at his broad chest, "Do I look like a demon to you?". The nasal voice came again from behind his back, "Well, now don’t take it the wrong way, Binky, but...".</p><p>"I TOLD YOU...Oh, Hells, I give up", he sighed again, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose in exasperation, "Call me Binky, if you like it so much, Gnome". "Ha! I knew you liked my little nickname for you, Binky!", the speaker walked forward and Ulric saw with astonishment that he was only four feet tall, had a very big nose and wore what looked like a purple and orange dress.</p><p>"A dwarf?", the knight said, stunned, but the short man sniffed as if offended. "I’ll have you know that I am a <em>Gnome</em>, good sir, not a Dwarf! No Dwarf could ever have such a big nose as mine, don’t you agree? Well, unless, of course, they had some Gnomish blood in them", he added pensively, "You know, this reminds me of Edgar Allan Jansen, my great-grandfather’s fourth-removed cousin, on my mother’s side of course, who...".</p><p>As the Gnome kept on rambling, Ulric blinked and instinctively looked at the two Humans in front of himself, completely at a loss, "<em>What</em> is this?". "Err, that’s Jan Jansen, he likes talking", she answered with an apologetic smile, "And I’m Margaret Dawn Delryn and this is my big brother, Sarevok Anchev. Behind us are our other companions: the girl with the pink-dyed hair is Imoen Winthrop, our sister". Imoen, clad in her bright pink Aeger Hide suit, came out from behind a tree and waved a hand with a big grin, "Heya! How’s it going?".</p><p>"And the one with the red robe is Sekhmet Odesseiron", Meg pointed to her left, to an olive-skinned, dark-haired Human woman dressed in a long crimson robe, who smiled warmly at Ulric. "A pleasure to meet you, good sir", Sekhmet purred, playing with her golden pendant, which sported a Flamedance stone encased in it.</p><p>"And last but not least, sir Anomen Delryn, my husband", the Painbearer indicated a fair-skinned man a bit taller than herself, with dark brown wavy hair and grey-blue eyes, who wore a peculiar black armour, seemingly made of scales. This time, Ulric perked up, "Sir? So you are a knight too?", he asked, relaxing slightly.</p><p>Anomen smiled widely and nodded, walking forward to clasp his forearm in a gesture of friendship, "A knight of the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart, yes". "I see. I’ve never heard of it, but I am glad of meeting a brother in faith", the terrestrial knight said, returning his clasp, "I am sir Ulric, knight in the service of God and envoy to the bishop. This one is our guide, Osmund", he gestured to the young dark-haired monk.</p><p>One by one, he introduced his other companions: Wolfstan, a man with shoulder length black hair already streaked with white and kind black eyes; Ivo, shorter than his companions, who had long russet hair coming out of a leather cowl; Griff, with a kind smile, pale skin and short grey hair;  Dalywag, with a slimy smile that missed a tooth and short curly brown hair; Mold, short and stocky, with black moustache and a shaved head; and Swire, older than Osmund, but younger than all of the others in his group, with a long black braid that dangled past his shoulders and a cheeky smirk curving his lips.</p><p>Sekhmet coughed, "Uh, pleased to meet you, gentlemen. Now that introductions are out of the way, can you please tell us where we are?". Ulric blinked, "Why, you’re in England, of course". She bit her lower lip, troubled, "England...Yes, it rings a bell. Earth, if I recall correctly", she nodded to herself and suddenly bent over and slapped Jan on the back of the head two times, "<em>This</em> is for sending us to the wrong plane of existence! And <em>this</em> is for trying to peek under my robe again!".</p><p>"Ow! OW! No need to resort to violence, my dear", Jan pouted, rubbing the painful spot, "And I was merely trying to keep the hem of your lovely robe from getting dirty". "Yeah, sure". "Nice panties, by the way. I would have never guessed that they were made of pink laces, but they suit you". "KHAAAAAANNN!", she screamed in pure frustration, "Meg, can I kill him? Please? Pretty pretty pretty please with sugar and chocolate and whipped cream on top?".</p><p>Meg shook her head, amused, "Sorry, my friend, but we need him to go home". "Oh. Okay, so...After we’re back home and we don’t need him anymore, can I kill him then?". Sarevok laughed, "Don’t count on it: I’ve begged her many times to allow me to get rid of that pest, but to no avail". Anomen nodded with a wistful sigh, "Yes, me too".</p><p>Osmund stepped hesitantly forward, always making sure to keep himself slightly behind Ulric, "Where are you from? Are you from France?", he asked, while his eyes wandered of their own will over the lovely forms of the three women. "Well, no, we’re from Toril. We used a Dimension Door, but it wasn’t supposed to drop us here: we were trying to go to Sigil, you see", the Ilmatari explained, "An old friend of ours invited us to her wedding...But I have the feeling we won’t be in time".</p><p>Jan looked guiltily at his feet, "Eh, I’m afraid you’re right, Your Loveliness: even if I know that we’re on Earth, I don’t have enough components left to open the door again". Sarevok clenched his fists, his expression saying loud and clear that he wanted nothing more than to strangle the inventor, "And what are we supposed to do, then?".</p><p>"We simply have to collect some of that stuff", Sekhmet said, "It won’t be that hard, don’t worry". "How can you be so sure of it?". "Did you know that my ancestors, the Mulhorandi, originally came from this plane? Not from England, of course, but still, they were native of Earth and their descendants now count among them the Red...", she cut herself off and shot a wary glance at the bishop’s envoy, "Well, you know who I’m talking about. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part, but I feel confident that we’ll find what we need".</p><p>"Let’s hope so", Imoen said, checking a strand of her hair critically, "I need some stuff to make my hair-dye: the brown is already showing through. Heya, Ulric, is there a ma...". The woman in the red robe hastily cut her off, "A map! A map to find the way to the nearest village. Do you know if there is a village nearby?".</p><p>He nodded, "Yes and we’re headed right there. But I warn you, it is protected by a demon, the leader of the villagers is a witch and there is also a necromancer living there. If the rumours are true, at least". Anomen’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, "You’re going to fight a Demon? Then we can help...We will help, right, my love?", he asked Meg and she nodded. "Of course! We have a nice amount of experience in fighting Demons, after all".</p><p>Sekhmet paled, "Errr, I...Meg, can we talk? In private?". "Sure", the Ilmatari nodded and moved to a secluded spot with her friend, "What’s wrong?". "I think Mr. Hot Stuff over there is a witch-hunter. From what I’ve heard about this plane, they hate magic. And when I say hate, I mean that every woman who is even <em>suspected</em> of being a witch...", she shuddered, "Well, let’s just say, even Irenicus would be horrified by the things these guys do to those poor souls. And most of us are magic-users".</p><p>Margaret Dawn gulped, "That’s not good news".  "Yeah. We must find a nice way to take our leave, before...", the Firewalker of Kossuth cut herself off and groaned, when she saw Anomen and Sarevok conversing friendly with the mercenaries, "Oh, Hells, men and their Godsdamned camaraderie! Ten seconds and they’re already best friends with these strangers! Now we’re officially screwed".</p><p>"I’ll instruct our companions to be careful, but we have no choice...Besides, I already gave my word to sir Ulric". "Let’s hope we’ll survive the travel, then", Sekhmet muttered, but her frown eased as she looked the envoy of the bishop up and down appreciatively, "Well, at least I’ll get to spend some time with Mr Hot Stuff". "I’m glad to see you looking at the bright side of it". "Actually, I’m looking at Ulric’s backside", she winked with a mischievous grin and Meg laughed.</p><p>"Speaking of Ulric...He and Griff are ill", the Thayan added, sobering. "I know. And we could heal them, but if we did...". "They would consider us witches and tear us to pieces. Or try to, anyway", she sighed, "We must find a way to heal them without them finding us out". Imoen joined the two women and frowned at seeing their faces so serious, "Heya, what’s up? Why the long faces? We’re gonna find a way to go home soon, you’ll see!".</p><p>"Easier said than done, Immy", the Painbearer replied, "We can’t use our magic here, or they will turn on us". The pink-haired thief bit her lower lip, her good mood vanishing, "Worse than in Amn?". "If Sekhmet is right, it’s much, much worse, yes". "Figures", she muttered sulkily, "Never some stroke of good luck for us, nossir! I wonder what we have done for Tymora to hate us so much!". "I doubt she has anything to do with this. Anyway, maybe you can help us: we need to find a way to heal two of those guys without them noticing", Meg said, "Any ideas?".</p><p>Imoen thought about it for a moment, "Well...Maybe Jan can tell them stories about his relatives, griffins and turnips, until they pass out for the boredom?". The Firewalker crossed her arms on her chest and shot her friend an annoyed glance, "We’re trying to be serious here". "Sheeesh, okay, okay! Shoulda known an Odesseiron wouldn’t have any sense of humour at all", the pink head grumbled. "Hey, I heard that!". "Heard what? I didn’t say anything", she smiled innocently, "Anyway, I think a sleep spell could...". Margaret Dawn shook her head, "No spells in front of them, I told you".</p><p>"Uff. Alright, so...Something in the food?". She mulled over it, "Yes...Yes, that will work perfectly. Jon did the same to us, when he knocked us out cold in Spellhold: he had Havarian put a component in the crab soup and when we reached the asylum, all that was left to do was to say the triggering word. We fell asleep like this", she snapped her fingers, nodding to herself. "I do have the necessary ingredient, but if I put it in the food, it will affect you too", Imoen reminded her friends.</p><p>"No problem, I will simply say that I don’t feel like eating and...", Meg started to say, but the Thayan cut her off. "Forget it, I will do it. I don’t have to worry about the effects of the component: I have an amulet to protect me exactly from that kind of things", she smiled and showed them her ruby bracelet, each stone of which was engraved with protective runes, "It was a gift from Edwin, for my admission as an acolyte at the Temple of Kossuth".</p><p>"Aaawww, how sweet of him!", the thief grinned, "So Eddie is really a big softie, after all!". "I wouldn’t say that to his face, if I were you", the Kossuthan warned her, but her full lips curved in a grin of her own, "But just between us...Yes, he can be very sweet when he wants to".</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Warming up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Many many many thanks to FionaLinoa for leaving me kudos! ^-^</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>While walking through the forest, Anomen fell into step with Ulric, hoping to learn more about his new travelling companions, "Say, Ulric, are all of you knights?". The bishop’s envoy shook his head, "No, I am the only one among us. Wolfstan, Ivo, Griff and Swire were in the army and are currently mercenaries in the service of the Church and Mold has always been a sword for hire".</p><p>"What about Dalywag?". He kept his gaze firmly on the road ahead, "He is a torturer", he said flatly. The Helmite stopped abruptly, as thought he had slammed into an invisible wall, then he quickly caught up with the other man, "What in the name of all that is sacred do you need him for?". Ulric shot him a brief sidelong glance, "How else are we supposed to get a confession out of the witch?". "But...You are a <em>knight</em>! You can’t allow this...This...", Anomen made a helpless gesture, unable to find the words to properly describe such horror.</p><p>"The bishop ordered me to take him along and I did", the terrestrial knight replied, his voice calm and cold, "Besides, a witch would never admit consorting with the Devil unless she was forced to". "But an innocent would confess anything only to put an end to the pain!", the Helmite protested, "There are other ways to...". "There is no other way!", Ulric snapped, eyes flashing, "Do you think I would accept this kind of methods, if there were an alternative? Besides, I do not send anyone to interrogation without evidence".</p><p>"But there are...", Anomen bit his tongue, as he suddenly remembered that mentioning mind-reading spells would not be a good idea in the current circumstances, "There is a chance that you would end up killing an innocent". The other man pressed his lips in a thin line, "If they are truly innocent, then God will reward them in the afterlife". "But you should protect the innocents and save their lives: it’s your duty as a knight!".</p><p>"There are times when you simply <em>cannot</em> save them!", Ulric shot back, his hands closing into tight fists, "Let me tell you something: yesterday we met a group of people, who had tied a woman at the stake. They were ready to burn her as a witch, accusing her of poisoning their well and bringing death to their village. She was innocent, that much was clear to me, so I tried talking to them, but those ignorant fools refused to see reason. I had no choice but to cut the ropes binding her and slit her throat".</p><p>"You...You killed her? Why?". "Because she was already dead: had I let her go, the mob would have held her again and burned her. I spared her suffering", his usually hard voice softened and his wide shoulders slumped a tiny fraction as he looked tired and bitter, "Sometimes that is all you can do".</p><p>The Helmite opened his mouth to reply, but the terrestrial knight cut him off, his tone once again sharp and cold. "These are difficult times, Anomen: God is loosening His grip on the flock and we have the sacred duty to make sure that our people do not look for answers beside Him and the Church. We cannot afford to be too indulgent".</p><p>Meanwhile, Jan slipped at the end of the line to take a closer look at the cage fixed on the back of the cart: it was made of flat iron bars and it was big and tall enough to contain a medium-sized Human, but the thing that attracted his attention the most was the sharp blade imbedded perpendicularly in it, at roughly one foot from its floor. Try as he might, the Gnome couldn’t find a good reason for that, so he turned to Dalywag, who walked closer to him, "Hey, Dals, what’s that blade for?".</p><p>The man’s lips curved in a disturbingly wide smile, "Aaah, I’m glad you asked! Come, come, I’ll show you!", he grabbed a lever protruding from the right side of the cage and gleefully turned it, making the blade slide upwards, "This beauty can split up a man from his asshole to his head! Lovely, isn’t it? I can’t wait to put the necromancer in here and hear his screams...".</p><p>Poor Jan blanched and started sweating profusely, "Uh, that, eh, that’s very...Interesting, really. Thanks for showing me. I...I-I think Sammy’s calling me, sorry", he stammered, practically running forward and tucking himself closely to Sekhmet’s side, "Holy turnips, that guy makes even uncle Gerhardt seem sane!".</p><p>Swire laughed at seeing him so pale and shaken, "Oy, don’t worry, Jan, Dalywag is not that bad. Sure, he’s a torturer and if the rumours are true, also a thief, a murderer and a rapist. But apart from that, he’s a good man". "Oh, well, that’s reassuring", the Gnome commented glumly. The Firewalker gave him a comforting pat on the back, "There, there, you at least are risking only your life. Unless that guy likes men?", she turned to Swire and the man laughed again. "Ha, no, he likes women. Especially those who fight back, from what I’ve been told".</p><p>"Oh, really? Good for him, then, because if he tries to even lift a finger against me, I’ll reduce him to a pile of ashes before he can blink". "And how would you do that?". "I just have to call upon my God and He will grant me the strength I need to solve the matter". The mercenary shook his head, "Many others have done so before and it had always been in vain", he commented, making a wide gesture with his arm to indicate the surroundings, "Do you think the plague would still be here, taking hundreds of lives every single day, if prayers were of any use?".</p><p>"He <em>always</em> answers my calls!", she snapped, eyes flashing angrily, "And you’d better watch your tongue when speaking of Him, boy, for I will not tolerate your disrespect of Him!". Swire blinked, taken aback by her outburst, "All right, sorry, I didn’t mean to offend", he apologized, raising his hands defensively, then he suddenly smirked, "Oy, you know, I think you would be a good match for Ulric, with all that fire and religious zeal".</p><p>Sekhmet started and a blush spread on her olive-skinned cheeks as she instinctively shot a glance at the terrestrial knight, "What...I-I...Oh, just shut up! (Brainless lesser simian)", she muttered under her breath without realizing it, then she hurried forward, with Jan following her closely.</p><p>oxoxoxoxoxo</p><p>At noon, they decided to stop for lunch and while Margaret Dawn prepared the vegetable stew, Sekhmet knelt a bit away from the others, her head bowed and her pendant held in her hands. Ulric frowned, "What is she doing?", he asked Sarevok, who sat at his left. "She is praying before the midday meal, as she always does", the Deathbringer answered with a shrug.</p><p>"Always, you say? She must be very devoted, then". He snorted, "I’d say she’s a little <em>too</em> devoted sometimes: her religious zeal has caused us many a fight that could be avoided otherwise...Though I partly blame it on her Odesseiron blood: she’s just as sharp-tongued, short-tempered and stubborn as her cousin, only more pleasant to look at".</p><p>"Sometimes even the people of faith must resort to violence". "I know, my sister and my brother-in-law are both members of religious orders and yet, they’ve shed more blood than most mercenaries I’ve met". Anomen nodded with a sigh, "Sad, but true. I regret having been forced to kill, but we were left without a choice in the matter".</p><p>Ulric blinked, "Wait a moment: how can you be married, if you both belong to a religious order? Did you break your vows of celibacy?", he asked, his voice suddenly gaining an edge. "We didn’t take any such vow", the Helmite shook his head, "Both Meg and myself are clerics, not monks". "Clerics?".</p><p>"Holy healers", Meg explained, "We were trained to heal and care for the injured and the sick, to know the properties of the herbs and how to make good use of them. Our orders do not require us to be celibate, or chaste for that matter", she added, sharing a private smile with her husband, "Our union was blessed in the name of the Lord we are devoted to. So you see, our marriage doesn’t break any rule". The terrestrial knight nodded, "Ah, I understand now: you are both laymen".</p><p>"I guess you could say that, if that’s what those like us are called in this place. Oh, about time!", the Ilmatari smiled as she saw Sekhmet approach, "We were starving here, waiting for you". The Thayan rolled her eyes, "Well, there was no need for you to wait for me and I didn’t ask you to, did I? So keep your useless complaints for yourself and pour me some stew, before I starve for real", she replied, tapping her spoon on the rim of her bowl. Sarevok smirked and nudged Ulric, "See what I meant? Same manners of her cousin!", he commented, amused.</p><p>The other man arched an eyebrow, "I take it you did not get along well with this cousin of hers?". The Thayan huffed, "Well, maybe they didn’t, but it’s not Edwin’s fault in the slightest!", she stated, "He can’t be blamed for being so undeniably superior to the insignificant monkeys crawling in the streets and if they don’t like him, it’s only because their intellect is too limited to appreciate his genius! (The curse of the Odesseiron of our generation)", she muttered under her breath, shaking her head bitterly.</p><p>Imoen grinned, "And she also shares his habit of muttering under their breath", she commented, "But Sek only does it when she’s stressed". "I don’t mutter under my breath! And neither does Edwin! (What a preposterous notion!)", the Firewalker exclaimed, causing her friends and even Osmund, Griff and Swire to laugh out loud.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Jan's craziness begins!</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well, it looks like this story is not much appreciated around here. If it doesn’t get any more attention, I guess I'll have to take it as a sign that nobody cares to read it and just put it on hiatus. We will see…</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the meal, they resumed their journey, Osmund advising them to follow the stream so as not to get lost. Suddenly, they heard voices approaching and after a moment, a group of people came into view: there were at least a dozen of them, walking into the water close to the river bank, all of them bare-chested and wearing dirty pants.</p><p>The one at the front, who looked way past his fifties and had long, greasy grey hair, held what looked like the skull of a sheep high over his head, while six others carried a huge wooden cross. The rest of them wore black hoods hiding their faces and were hitting their own backs with wicked-looking flails, hard enough to draw blood with each strike.</p><p>Swire approached the strangers to ask for directions, while Anomen turned to Wolfstan, puzzled. “Who are these people?”. “Holy supplicants”, the mercenary answered, eyes filled with pity as he regarded the men in the river, “They inflict suffering upon their flesh as a show of remorse, acting as scapegoats for the sins of mankind and praying for God to have mercy and lift the plague”.</p><p>“So in short they punish themselves for something they didn’t do, all for the sake of others?”, Imoen summed up. “I…I suppose you can say that, yes”. “Uh, I know the type”, she commented, pointedly looking at her sister, “Heya Meg, why don’t you join them? That’s just your thing”. The Painbearer rolled her eyes, “Ha ha, very funny. You know it doesn’t really work like that”.</p><p>“But it’s still pretty close”. “Not at all: I don’t act as a scapegoat for anyone, I just try to alleviate the suffering of others. That’s completely different and you know it”. “Pffft. If ya say so”. “Oh, stow it, Immy, unless you want me to wake you up with a can full of worms tomorrow morning”, Meg threatened with a grin and the pink-haired thief widened her eyes in mock horror. “You wouldn’t!”. “Try me”.</p><p>Swire rejoined the group and went straight to Ulric, worried, “They said we should go back to where we came from. In the village we’re heading to, the men have turned into savages”. The other man bit his lower lip as he watched the supplicants pass them by, but then he set his jaw with grim determination, “We will not turn back. Come on!”, he ordered, walking forward.</p><p>Sekhmet let out a soft sigh, a dreamy look in her dark eyes as she followed him, “I’m right behind you”, she said and Imoen grinned. “Of course you are: it makes it so much easier to ogl…”, she began, but a withering glare from the Thayan silenced her. “Enough of your jokes, child, unless you want me to show you why it’s never a good idea to annoy an Odesseiron”. “Okay, okay! Sheeesh, why is everyone so bitchy lately?”.</p><p>“Well, there could be many reasons”, Jan piped up, walking alongside her, “But personally, I think it could be a consequence of the lack of turnips in their diet”. Sarevok briefly closed his eyes as he felt an incoming headache, “Oh, merciful Heavens…”, he groaned.</p><p>“I’ll have you know, Binky, that turnips are fundamental for a healthy diet! They have high nourishing value, have you ever heard the saying ‘a turnip a day keeps the illness at bay’? And let’s not forget their amazing healing properties, which make them very useful for making balms, antidotes and herbal tea and of course, turnip beer, which is an ancient remedy known since the times when the old Netherese empire was founded and…”.</p><p>“Jan”, Sekhmet called in a warning tone.</p><p>“In fact, one of my ancestors, Uther Pendjansen the Third, helped in the foundation of that empire, since it was him who decided the right spot to place the first stone by pulling out a magical turnip that, according to the legend, could only be pulled out by the designated king of Netheril, but he preferred a quieter lifestyle, so he gave up his claim to the throne and contented himself with a big farm where he could spend the rest of his life with his wife and their four pet griffins, but…”.</p><p>“JAN!”.</p><p>“Yes, Sammy?”. “I would shut up, if I were you”, she said, nodding towards Ulric, who was staring at Jan with such coldness that he could have frozen a Fire Elemental on the spot. The Gnome huddled closer to the red-robed woman, “Well, maybe I’ll tell you this story another time”, he said weakly. The terrestrial knight nodded, “Good”, was all he said before he resumed walking. “Maybe it’s just my imagination, but I don’t think he likes me that much”, Jan whispered to the Thayan and she patted his back comfortingly.</p><p>“It’s okay, Jan, not everyone can appreciate the fine art of storytelling. And I like you, by the way”. He smiled fondly up at her, “You’re a blessing to my old Gnomish heart, dearest”. “And <em>you</em> are a curse to our ears, Gnome”, Sarevok commented, a small smile curving his lips, “But I can’t deny that I would probably - and I say <em>probably</em> - miss your incessant babbling if you were killed”.</p><p>The Gnome was stunned for a second, then he beamed, looking even a bit moved, “I knew I had grown on you, Binky!”. “Yes. Like a wart”. “Or a turnip”. The Deathbringer rolled his eyes, amused, “Figures”. Osmund sidled up to him, “How long have you been travelling together?”. “Ten months”. The monk’s eyebrows shot up with shock, “So long? And you’re still…Uh…”. “Sound of mind? We’ve been through a lot, it’s not easy to mess with our heads”.</p><p>“Yeah, I’ve even been trapped in Spe…Well…In that horrible place for months and yet, I’m perfectly fine! Whole in mind and body”, Imoen added, whirling about with a wide grin and Osmund couldn’t help his eyes roaming over her curves appreciatively. “I can see that”. “<em>What</em> are you looking at, boy?”, Sarevok and Meg growled in unison, glaring at him and the poor boy started.</p><p>“Uh? Nothing! I-I didn’t mean…”. “You’d better”, the Painbearer snarled, grabbing her sister by the hand and dragging her forward, Sarevok in tow. “Uh…Sorry”, Osmund squeaked. Anomen chuckled under his breath, “It’s all right, they are just quite protective of their sister, especially Meg. I trust that, being a monk, you do not have dishonorable intentions towards Imoen”, he added and though he was smiling, there was an edge to his voice.</p><p>“Of course not, I took a vow of chastity to God!”, the monk replied with as much indignation as he could muster, but he could not help looking at his feet as he said it and his mind drifted to his fiancée Averill, with whom he had broken his vow many times in the past months.</p><p>“Good to hear, for I assure you that you would not like to be on my wife’s bad side”, the Helmite replied and grinned at the surprised look on the other’s face, “Oh, I know, among the two of them it’s Sarevok who looks more dangerous. But trust me, appearances can be deceiving. That’s not to say he isn’t dangerous, because he definitely is <em>not</em> the kind of man you’d want to cross, but Meg is not to be taken lightly either and those who did paid dearly for their mistake”.</p><p>Osmund paled and glanced at the Ilmatari walking ahead, then at the Deathbringer and then back at Anomen, “Is there anyone among you who is not dangerous?”. The knight laughed, “Sorry, but we all are: that’s why we have survived this long”, he clapped the younger man on the shoulder, “Come, let’s not tarry”. As they walked, Jan moved next to them and shot Osmund a wide smile. “So, young Ossie, you’re a monk, uh?”. “Ossie?”, the monk repeated, puzzled, but the Gnome went on without missing a beat.</p><p>“You know, this reminds me of a cousin of mine, Jansaad Yn Turnipshir, he’s my grandfather’s second-removed cousin on his mother’s side…Or was it my grandmother’s second-removed cousin on her father’s side? Anyway, he’s from Calimshan and he is a very devoted lad, or at least he used to be, because after years and years and years of training in his monastery trying to become all pious and above the materialistic aspects of life and such, which I think is a very boring life by the way, no offence meant of course, but seriously, meditation can get tiresome after a while, no? Especially if you have to do it with an empty stomach to empower the power of the mind over the body or whatever it is, who said that again? Ah yes, that odd guy who studied the effects of fear, what was his name, Johnny Stork or something if I’m not mistaken and..”.</p><p>“Jan, for Heaven’s sake, get to the blasted point already!”, Sarevok exclaimed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Oh…Sure, sure, of course, as I was saying, Jansaad was among the best and most disciplined monks of the Sun Turnip Order, which is one of the greatest and most important orders of Calishan I’ll have you know, but sadly enough his years and years and years of purification did not protect his poor soul and he fell to the most basic and primal instinct a living being can posses”.</p><p>Osmund blushed hard as he recalled his own repeated failings at keeping his vow of chastity, “Temptation is always lying in wait, ready to pounce upon us when our willpower weakens”, he mumbled, staring at the ground.</p><p>“So true, Ossie, so true! Poor Jansaad did all he could to resist it, but he was only made of flesh, you see, so in the end he gave in and became addicted to fried turnips, so much so that he could not stay more than five seconds without stuffing his mouth full of them!”. “Well, the call of the flesh is…Wait, <em>fried turnips</em>?”, the monk asked, eyes wide with disbelief.</p><p>“Why, of course, Ossie! What else could bring anyone to fall from grace, if not the love for the delicious roots? And it would not have been that big a problem for cousin Jansaad, you know, if not for the fact that he forgot about everything else, even to sleep and to bathe and so he ended up as big as an Oliphant and with such a thick and heavy layer of dirt on himself that he could barely move at all, until he could not even eat anymore and…”.</p><p>“And then he died?”, Anomen tried to guess with a grin. “Why, not at all, Ano! Well, to be fully honest yes, he did die, but only because an adventuring party happened to pass by and mistook him for a giant carrion crawler, not that I could blame them by the way, the stench was the same and so they slashed and hacked at poor Jansaad like only those new to adventuring can do and so he died. Such a shame too, he would have made for a great monk, if not for that fatal weakness”, Jan concluded, shaking his head sadly.</p><p>Osmund closed his eyes briefly in despair at the realization that he would have to suffer such nonsense for at least another couple of weeks of travel: this must be God’s way of punishing him for breaking the vow, he thought and added to himself that he would have happily chosen death for the plague any day over being forced to listen to even another of Jan’s stories.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The references in Jan's crazy stories are the following:<br/>- Reference number one: Uther Pendragon, father of Arthur Pendragon (here Uther Pendjansen)<br/>- Reference number two: Jonathan Crane aka Scarecrow from the Batman universe (here Johnny Stork)<br/>- Reference number three: Rasaad Yn Bashir from the BG Enhanced Edition (here Jansaad Yn Turnipshir)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Spats and healing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, so...Here's a new chapter. I don't know if anyone will read it, but it's worth a shot I guess. If you like this story, please let me know.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When evening came, the group gathered around the campfire to eat the rabbit stew cooked by Imoen, all save Ulric, who had disappeared between the trees as soon as they had stopped for the night. After waiting for a full hour, Sekhmet decided to go and look for him, worried that he might be in trouble. <em><span class="u">Though if someone attacks him, I am willing to bet all my money that they will sorely regret it</span></em>, she thought, amused.</p><p>She found him soon enough: he was sitting on the bank, his gaze fixed on the murmuring waters of the river, his sword lying at his side on the soft grass. "You should eat, you know", the woman said, sitting down next to him, "And in case you’re worried about the quality of the food, I assure you that Imoen is a good cook, really", she added with a smile.</p><p>For a long moment, he didn’t say a word, as if he hadn’t even noticed her presence, then he murmured softly, "You should not be here". "Well, you’ve been gone for a while and...". "I mean with us", he finally turned to look at her, "The place we are headed to is dangerous. It is no place for a woman".</p><p>She clenched her jaw, suddenly angry, "Well, I’ll have you know that I can hold my own in a fight as well as any man, thank you very much! I am an <em>Odesseiron</em>, not some defenceless little girl in need of a big strong man to protect her!", she snapped, rising to her feet, "Starve if you want, I don’t care".</p><p>He stood and grabbed her arm in a single, fluid motion, "Wait". The Firewalker stopped at once, even though his grip was loose and his voice quiet, "What now?". "It was not my intent to offend you". She turned to look at him and her shoulders relaxed, "Well...Maybe I overreacted a little bit". The envoy to the bishop arched an eyebrow, "Maybe?", he echoed, his lips curving slightly upwards and she chuckled.</p><p>"All right, all right, I did. And for the record, I do care if you starve, so let’s just go back to camp and have dinner, shall we?". "With pleasure", he nodded and retrieved his sword, then followed her back to their companions and enjoyed the rabbit stew, blissfully unaware of the spell component in it.</p><p>According to the ladies’ plan, Sekhmet offered to take first watch along with Sarevok and the mercenaries were all too happy to agree, quickly laying down to sleep, grateful for the chance to relax after so many days of hard travel. When she was sure that they were all asleep, she gently nudged Imoen in the side, so the pink-haired thief obediently murmured the triggering word, knocking them all out cold, including herself and her half-brother.</p><p>The Firewalker was the only one left awake, thanks to her amulet and wasted no time in kneeling beside Ulric to cast her most powerful healing spell on him, then she repeated the process on Griff and as a final touch, she dispelled the magic of the component on the whole group, as not to raise suspicions: despite being a very devoted priestess of the Firelord, the prospect of being burned at the stake didn’t appeal to her one bit.</p><p>oxoxoxoxoxo</p><p>After doing their morning prayers and having a quick breakfast, the ladies decided to take advantage of the nearby stream to wash themselves, while the men stayed behind, waiting for their turn and dismantling the campsite.</p><p>"You said that you’re not from France", Griff addressed the Amnian knight, curiosity flickering in his eyes as he spoke, "Where are you from, then? I seem to remember your wife mentioned a place...Tarel?". "Toril", Anomen corrected him, "But truth be told, that’s quite generic. I myself am from the nation of Amn, as Jan is. Meg, Sarevok and Imoen are from the North, while Sekhmet is from the nation of Thay".</p><p>Ulric frowned, "I have never heard of any of these places. They must be quite far from England". "More than you think", Sarevok said with a smirk, "But we’re used to overly long journeys, aren’t we, brother?", he added, giving the Helmite a friendly pat on the back. "I’d say we are experts of overly long journeys by now! To Hell and back again", Anomen agreed.</p><p>"Hell...The place we’re headed to is probably home to one of its denizens", Wolfstan commented, sighing, "I don’t feel at ease at the thought of bringing some women along". The big warrior laughed out loud at that, "Trust me, my sisters are more than capable of taking care of themselves! I’ve seen what they can do in battle and believe me, you don’t want to be on their bad side".</p><p>Ulric intervened, "And what of Sekhmet? Is she capable of taking care of herself as well?", he asked, a nearly imperceptible hint of worry creeping into his usually cold voice. "Why, of course she is, Ully!", Jan exclaimed, "Sammy’s quite adept at... ", he yelped as he was suddenly lifted up off the ground. "My name is <em>Ulric</em>", the bishop’s envoy growled, "Do not make me repeat it a second time". "S-s-sure, no problem", the Gnome stammered, paling and trembling like a leaf. "Good".</p><p>He hit the ground with a soft ‘thud’, but wisely kept silent, terrified: despite having threatened him many times with bodily harm, neither Sarevok, nor Anomen had ever truly meant it, so Jan had just ignored their words and kept on teasing them, knowing that they enjoyed their banters as well. But Ulric...The unspoken threat in those steel-hard blue eyes was enough to shut the Gnome up for good.</p><p>Osmund cleared his throat, "So...Is it common where you come from to have women fighting alongside the men on the battlefield?", he asked Anomen, more to try and break the uncomfortable silence than anything else. The Helmite nodded, "We have our fair share of female warriors, yes. The Order of the Radiant Heart counts many a lady paladin among its ranks and they are as brave and as capable as any of the men", his eyes drifted towards the trees, to where he knew his wife was, "And Meg is one of the most capable fighters I’ve ever met".</p><p>Sarevok chuckled, "She is her mother’s daughter. Well, step-mother, but considering how much she’s taken after Jaheira, I’d say it doesn’t really make any difference", he commented and his friend laughed.</p><p>"Truest truth, brother! I remember when we were in the forest outside Imnesvale and Edwin and I began quarrelling...Helm, it seems like a lifetime ago...Anyway, we were busy squabbling like two angry brats and suddenly, wham! Meg comes up and cuffs us both in the back of the head, giving us such a stern lecture that we didn’t argue anymore for a good two weeks. And you should have seen Jaheira’s proud smile as she complimented her!", he shook his head, an amused and fond smile curving his lips.</p><p>Jan grinned from ear to ear, his fear forgotten in the face of a good story, "Ha! I didn’t know you had it in you, Ano, but I’m glad to find out you’re a storyteller as well! And it was quite good for a beginner, though maybe next time you should try throwing in some turnips and a griffin or two: everything is better with turnips and griffins", he added sagely, giving the Helmite a pat on the knee. "I’ll make sure to remember it, Jan".</p><p>Sarevok rolled his eyes, "Don’t tell me you’re seriously going to take into account his advice!", he said and Anomen shrugged. "Why not? He’s got more experience in storytelling than all of us combined, after all". "Well said, Ano! See, Binky, the lad’s got more sense than I gave him credit for", the Gnome beamed, "Now if only I could convince you to taste some of my turnip stew...". "I’d sooner go back to the Abyss", the Deathbringer stated with absolute finality.</p><p>Osmund blinked, "The Abyss? What is it?". "A place of darkness and strife", the huge warrior answered, a flash of sadness passing in his amber eyes, "But even that is nothing, compared to what Maggie had to suffer, because of... ". "Because of what Irenicus did to her", the Amnian knight cut him off, guessing what was passing through his friend’s mind, "Don’t go down that route, you know full well that she made that decision out of free will".</p><p>"She did it for me, damn it! ", Sarevok snapped, "She struck that deal for me, to let me out of that prison...". "You would have done the same for her", Anomen replied in a calm, reasonable tone, "And you have no reason to feel responsible for her choices". "I know! I know. And I can’t deny that the knowledge of how deep her love for me is warms my heart. I just wish it didn’t have to come to that".</p><p>He sighed, "We all do. But let the past stay in the past: she is safe and sound now, we all are and this is all that matters". The Deathbringer couldn’t help a small smile curving his lips, "Wise words. My sister is a good influence to you". "She is", the other man nodded, "She has helped me become a better man, better than I’ve ever thought I could be. I wouldn’t be a knight, if not for her guidance and support".</p><p>"A woman can be the saving grace of a man, or cause his downfall", Ulric said, surprising them all with the bitterness laced through his voice, "You are lucky to have found an honest woman, who cares about who you are and not about wealth. Be grateful to the Lord that you have her by your side, Anomen". "I am grateful", the Helmite assured him, "And I thank Him every day for her presence in my life".</p><p>Jan turned to the terrestrial knight, "You were dumped too, eh, Ull...Ulric? I know how it feels", he said and for once, his cheerful face twisted with grief and sadness, "I loved Lissa more than anything, I would have done everything for her, but she chose that swine Vaelag and his money over me. I’ve not heard a word from her since she left with him".</p><p>Ulric looked at the Gnome for a long moment and his expression softened, "Then we have something in common. Some women value gold more than they value an honest heart", he commented, then his tone changed abruptly, once again cold and sharp, "The ladies are back. I suggest we take our turn at the river". Indeed, the women were walking back to the camp, looking positively radiant and Sekhmet smiled as her eyes fell on Ulric. "The river is all yours, gentlemen", she said.</p><p>He nodded, "Thank you", he rose to his feet along with the other men and walked away, followed by her longing gaze. When they were well out of earshot, Imoen giggled, "If you keep on staring at his butt like that, he’ll catch fire", she told the Thayan and her grin widened as she saw her friend blush. "I wasn’t staring at his butt! I was looking in the distance and it just so happened that his rear end was in the way, that’s all".</p><p>"Uh-uh, sure thing, Sek. You’re a worse liar than your cousin, ya know?". "For your information, Edwin is <em>not</em> a liar and even if he were, he would be the best at it, as he is at everything else he puts his superior Odesseiron mind to, so there!", Sekhmet replied indignantly. "Sheeesh, you really sound like him, no doubt about the two of you being related", the pink-haired thief turned to Meg, "Say sis, how come that none of us still living Bhaalspawn sounds like the others at all?".</p><p>The Painbearer shrugged, "I haven’t the slightest clue". A mischievous light entered Imoen’s eyes, "Hey, are you up for some fun?". "I don’t know what you’re planning, but I don’t think it’s a good idea, Immy, unless you want Ulric to burn you at the stake for pulling a prank on him. He seems like the type who doesn’t just shrug it off with a laugh".</p><p>She sobered and actually seemed to cringe, "But...We’re allies, no?". "I doubt he would care, if he were pissed off enough". The Firewalker nodded, "Meg is right, he’s not the kind of man to take lightly. Better to keep your pranks for when we’re back home and for someone who’s less likely to kill you on the spot". The little thief pouted and brought her knees up to her chest, "Oh, pooh. Fine. Pity, though, it would have been fun".</p><p>"Care to share your devious plan?", Meg said with a grin. "Well, first of all, we would have gone to the stream and stolen their clothes...". She arched an eyebrow, "You do remember that they are taking a bath, right?", she asked. "Well, yeah, but...". "And you’re aware of the fact that, if you go there now, you may end up seeing them stark naked, right? <em>All</em> of them? Including Sarry, Anomen and <em>Jan</em>?".</p><p>Imoen thought about it for a moment and her face turned a very peculiar shade of green, “Ya know, I think I’ll just stay here and read a couple more pages of the latest romance novel I’ve bought", she said, taking ‘Sins of the Flesh Golem’ out of her pack and desperately trying to get rid of the mental image of Jan Jansen in the buffs.</p>
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